Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Turning my back...

...on the ABC

I'm so sorry girls, I feel like I've failed you. Everybody has been so supportive and wonderful, But I'm not the inspiration you thought I was. Sad.

Still, I am NOT giving up. I'm too close to my goal to pack it in. It is just that I am teetering on the brink of real bulimia and I'm too weak not to fall over. I will still restrict. I will still blog. I'm going to vary my calories between 200 and 800 with intermittent fasting days. I won't lose as fast, but I WILL still lose. And hopefully it is something i can stick to. I will pick my days. When I feel strong I will eat less. When I feel weak I will still keep control. No mindless binging. No purging.

On my way to maintenance. On my way to a skinnier, happier life.

All my love


  1. You know we'll all support you no matter what your decisions are, love! You do what you think is the best at the moment. Stay strong.

    Sending love, Maria

  2. Knowing when to stop is true control.
    Keep up the good work, and you'll get there.
    You're too determined to ever give up.


  3. Proud of you anyway =)

    Keep going strong, just do what makes you happy - I'll still be here reading!


  4. I think that's a great idea and you'll actually probably have more success b/c you won't binge/purge which is just counter productive anyway. Good Luck!

  5. I found the ABC makes you very, very weak, and with me at least, slows down my thinking. Which makes a lot of sense because your body is concentrated on surviving, not thinking.

    What was a surprise is that I kept loosing weight even after I went off the ABC. The reason is, your body now expands energy on other things (such as thinking, who knew!), plus you have more energy and move around. This was further confirmed when a few diet reviews mentioned girls not loosing ANY weight on a 300 cal liquid diet.

    So, in essence- diet smart. This site helps a lot: http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm Make sure to choose the zig zag option. It might not work right away for you because your metabolism is a little jacked from the ABC.

    Also, eat smart. Eating 800 cal worth of cake is way way different then eating 800 cal worth of fruits, veggies, etc. Fruits are actually not all that great for you- although the sugar is natural, it is still sugar. So, stick to two or so a day. Make sure to get some whole grains!!! I eat only only only whole grain breads and cereal- Total Whole Grain is great because it has plenty of vitamins to make your body use up more energy during the day, and the whole grain factor. Whole grains make you feel full, provide for better skin and better stomach function. I eat it with low fat yogurt- also very important to get dairy. That's for skin and hair also. Having a low cal diet you need to watch out so that all your hair does not fall out. Yogurt is much healthier than milk. Also, check out wasa whole grain crispbreads- thats the most whole grain per calorie you will ever find.

    Come off the ABC SLOWLY!!! Your body is not used to a lot of calories, and will store them like CRAZY.

    Finally, I found ditching bulimia very, very hard. So, what happens here (can you guys tell yet I'm obsessed with knowing how things work) is A. your stomach expands from all the binging, so it takes a lot more food to fill it up. Girls eat as many as 10,000 cal in a binge- that's insane, no!? B. Your mind does not register that eating makes you full- because it didn't in the past. Classic Conditioning. So, even after you eat, you binge, you don't get nutrients. Your body gets used to that, so even after you eat, it's not expecting nutrients, so it wants you to eat more. That's where I actually gained 20 pounds- coming off bulimia. Very scary, i know! But I am now ready for round two, with all the experience of round one.

    Very, very happy you came off the ABC =)

  6. i love your blog - huge inspiration and beautiful photos...
    good luck & stay strong x

  7. There are days where I almost wish I was 300 pounds rather than be bulimic...but then I take it back and I'm pretty happy I'm not 300 pounds :)

    The ABC sounded like it was pretty rough; you will still be able to lose without it though, I swear to you! And ummmm, I don't really know how to reply to you other than comment on your blog, but the last comment that you left me was really sweet! I laughed when you told me to get a cat...haha I don't know why it was just so random. "Get anti-depressants..or get a cat." You should probably make a commercial, you could make millions. Thank you so much though, you honestly made me feel a lot better. You are an amazing person. And trust me, I'm not just saying that because I like cats too lol!


  8. We support you through everything, love.
    You don't need to worry about not completing it, because the most important part is taking care of yourself and keeping control. Real bullemia is terrifying and the damage it can do is terrible, and it's best to put a stop to it now. You're doing the right thing, and I think you'll get through this, and you'll still reach your goals.

    Being an inspiration isn't just reaching the weight.
    It's having enough sense to pull back and maintain control when you feel it slipping, and to know when to gracefully bow out for better ways.

    You're still my inspiration. ♥