Saturday, May 23, 2009


Down almost a kilo (2 lbs)
The mark of a successful fast
And my BMI has just dipped below 19, which by most categories makes me officially underweight.

But god it was a struggle not to faint on my way from my bed to the scale.

And the mirror amazed me when I got back to my room.
Bony chest
Flat stomach
My waist is down to 59cm (23 inches)
If I just ignored my arms and legs I'd actually be THIN

I should be elated!
But I just feel sick and terrified.
And my depression has become crippling. I can barely get out of bed. I can barely move. I'm holding onto this numbers game so desperately but everything else in my life is becoming an impossible and miserable struggle.

So I'm going to spend the weekend at my mum's.
I will eat.
I'm sorry girls.
Come Monday I'll get back on my game. Hopefully I won't have gained.

But I need to do this.

Thanks for your support and good luck
You are such fantastic and beautiful people. It's hard for you to see sometimes, but it's true.
All my love



  1. "And the Mirror amazed me"
    Now, you don't hear that often.
    Congrats, really.

  2. Hope u feel better and don't gain any weight, I'll talk to u on monday.

  3. Pasco I love you so much. Don't let the depression drag you down, I hope you have a lovely time with your Mum, I'm sure it's just what you need to keep on track :)
    You're results have been so amazing, well done. It's spurred me on to do ABC myself.

    and remember you are fantastic and beautiful too (and officially underweight!)
    Ophelia x x

  4. eugh I meant 'your' instead of 'you're'
    how dumb! I'm only about to graduate with a degree in English!

  5. Oh but you've been doing so good - noone would judge you for a weekend with your mum, even if that does mean some eating... Hopefully those two days will spur your metabolism into a higher gear, ready for another week of seriously impressive work! xx

  6. hello.

    stay safe dearest. stay safe. you've done a GREAT job so far just...yea...stay safe!

  7. Weekends at Mom's are always a good thing for the mind. You might gain a little, but really, in the end, we all know the inside is more precious than the outside.

    Take care of you girl, the perfect body can wait one day longer, you won't be able to achieve perfection if your inside is all broken!

    Lots of love you way and keep us posted,

  8. Yes, I agree with the girls, perhaps a weekend with your mother will help with the depression. Change of pace, scenery, and my mom always has a soothing effect on me even though she makes me want to rip out my hair.

    I am SO going to start ABC. You have inspired me so tomorrow is going to be Day 1. Love you!!

  9. congratulations - thats amazing. i can only wish my wiast ould shrink as much. Enjoy the break away.. Xx