Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Downward Spiral

My lovely Finn Femme Maria has reached my goal weight. She is such a magnificent creature and truly inspiring. While I have eased off the intensity, I cannot forget how precious it is to keep pushing myself down this delicate spiral. I can get there. Just 4 more kilos til I reach the ground.

I ate reasonably normally today. Healthy normal, maybe 800 cal tops, good food, lots of veg. No binging. No purging. The first time in a long time. And I do feel a bit icky and fat, but I'm still pleased. It IS possible for me to do it. I could maintain here. Eventually. Once I've spirited away these last 4 kilos of fat.

It's amazing how it is when you are feeling your most foul that you seem to get the most positive attention. I had to see my GP today, and walked because it's only a half hour away (go me!). Anywho it was cold and I was feeling fat and miserable so I wore an ugly baggy jumper and my hair was a mess. I got terrible blisters because I stupidly decided to wear new shoes so I ended up taking them off and walking barefoot, shoes and stockings in hand. Not glamorous. Not pretty. Never-the-less it seemed every passing car sent me a honk or a jeer or a wolf whistle. Were they taking the piss? And when I got to the GP she told me I definitely looked like I had dropped lots of weight since she'd last seen me.

Weird. On the off chance that I ever feel sexy, no one pays the slightest heed.

And as much as people tell us that thin is not worth it, that it is not as glamorous and beautiful as we think, that we are too skinny - when you lose weight people will suddely wolf whistle at you even when you look like a barefooted hobo.



  1. When people mention my weight loss I feel like I matter. Like I am finally going to come into view...right before I disappear.

  2. Thank you, lovelie! I mean really, you are the best of the best. You'll be at 4o's in no time.

    It's funny how we're almost doing this together, you know. We've had such a similar journey.

    As always: all my affection.


  3. and isnt that why we all do it?! so we can walk around shoeless with messay hair and an ugly jumper and still look hot. al mary kate, patron saint of skinny-hobo chic...

    also can i just say i LOVE how you always have a cool fashion picture which ties in with your posts... they always make me smile. xx

  4. =O i LOVE the analogy of weight loss and a staircase.

    and i definitely think the world is hypocritical. they can stare at ads in magazines or say how jealous they are of the thin girl walking down the street, and then turn around and say 'thin isnt all that great, its so not worth starving yourself.'

    i hate that.

    they all know we're right ;]

    XOXO Sophia Ruins <3

  5. i lived there till i was 9... there's just certain things like timtams and anzacs and pineapple lumps and those little chocolate bears and pinkies and really ahrd gingernuts that they dont sell here! xx