Saturday, May 2, 2009

losing it

I'm a fucking mess

Eating normally has been a horrible failure. The eating part is fine, except any time I get near a toilet or shower I purge. I can't not do it. I tell myself I won't, but before I can blink my finger is down my throat and my "normal healthy diet" is in an ugly pile around the plug hole.


If I restrict, I'm happy with what I'm feeding my body and I don't purge. But I'm losing the power to do it. And the more I try the more I binge.

I don't know what to do
I'm in hell


  1. I dont know how to protect my teeth - this is a constant concern for me...

    I only ever let myself purge right after eating, never if its been there for more than half an hour because by then i figure its al mixed in with stomach acid. And I brush my teeth straight after obviously. And i drink loads of water throughout the purging so its kinda diluted...

    Also usually I plan a binge and then purge it, I dont throw up healthy, sensible food. Dont do that. You're only reinforcing the cycle. And I dont know how to stop the cycle. Sometimes I find it helpful to tell myself that regardless of what I eat, I will not allow a purge at all for a week. This helps to cut out the urge to purge so much, and then when I feel i can restrict without bingeing the desire to BP is less strong.

    I'm sorry you're having trouble with this at the moment, lets make a promise to each other that there will be no purging for the next three days. Ideally no more purging ever but three days is marginally more do-able. I'm holding you to this and I hope you keep me accountable also. Good luck sweetie. xx

  2. Heya saw your comment on Lulu's page about stopping tooth decay.
    When I was at my worst I was throwing up 2/3 times a day, and I was recommended by my dentist to rinse out with bicarbonate of soda after I had purged. I just dissolved a teaspoon of it in some warm water and gargled. It basically neutralises the acid which causes erosion.
    Hope this helps, stay strong, don't fall into the binge hell, any more advice don't hesitate to ask!!! xxx