Weaponry

This evening I punished myself at the gym. It felt wonderful. Renewing. Ready for tomorrow. Ready for a better life.

But I can't go in unarmed.

I need a thorough and highly specific meal plan. A meal plan that I will adhere to strictly, because I know all too well that any deviation will lead to disaster. It must be ample enough such that I don't feel too hungry, too deprived, too desperate. Yet light enough that I still feel like I'm making progress, that I'm doing well, that it is not worth laying down my arms.

Breakfast:
- Hot water with lemon
- Green tea
- Vitamins/diet pills/fish oil
- Giant can of hugely caffeinated sugarfree enregy beverage
- 5 scrambled egg white 100cal
- Rockmelon 100cal

Lunch:
- Diet pills
- Diet coke
- Snow peas
- Cherry tomatoes
- Large can of tuna 150cal
- Apple 100cal

Dinner:
- Spinach
- Carrot
- Cabbage
- Snow peas
- Frozen berries 100cal

Snacks:
- A million cans of diet coke
- Carrot sticks
- Salsa 50cal
- Gum

It is 600 calories in total. Perfectly acceptable total. I will try and go to the gym after work. If I do I will consider having an extra 200 calories of chicken breast with my salad for dinner.

No deviations.
No throwing up.
If I break it, it means I can't do it. And I HAVE to do it. I'm at the end of the road, and I'm not ready to turn my gun on myself yet.