Monday, March 1, 2010


This evening I punished myself at the gym. It felt wonderful. Renewing. Ready for tomorrow. Ready for a better life.

But I can't go in unarmed.

I need a thorough and highly specific meal plan. A meal plan that I will adhere to strictly, because I know all too well that any deviation will lead to disaster. It must be ample enough such that I don't feel too hungry, too deprived, too desperate. Yet light enough that I still feel like I'm making progress, that I'm doing well, that it is not worth laying down my arms.

- Hot water with lemon
- Green tea
- Vitamins/diet pills/fish oil
- Giant can of hugely caffeinated sugarfree enregy beverage
- 5 scrambled egg white 100cal
- Rockmelon 100cal

- Diet pills
- Diet coke
- Snow peas
- Cherry tomatoes
- Large can of tuna 150cal
- Apple 100cal

- Spinach
- Carrot
- Cabbage
- Snow peas
- Frozen berries 100cal

- A million cans of diet coke
- Carrot sticks
- Salsa 50cal
- Gum

It is 600 calories in total. Perfectly acceptable total. I will try and go to the gym after work. If I do I will consider having an extra 200 calories of chicken breast with my salad for dinner.

No deviations.
No throwing up.
If I break it, it means I can't do it. And I HAVE to do it. I'm at the end of the road, and I'm not ready to turn my gun on myself yet.


  1. wow, you sound so on top of it! not to mention, your blog is just beautiful! I love every picture you put up. This is my new favorite blog!

  2. You. Can. DO. It!

    I know you can, dear Pasco.

    Peace, child, during this.

    Much love.

  3. I know you can do this, your last post, was so, real. I can relate. being on your last strings, it feels horrible, clinging to something that you need before, you've got no reason left. I know you can do this. I hope your okay, x.

  4. I love this plan, and in 6 months time when I finally move out for university I may just live on this every goddamn day. And Pasco, never feel like you don't deserve our respect or support, your writing is so real it speaks to everyone who reads it xxx