Wednesday, June 17, 2009

matter of balance

I approached the scales this morning with great trepidation, but at 51.7 kg I was pleasantly surprised. Things seem pretty static. I'm ecstatic. Well, not ecstatic, but if I can stick to this plan and not gain any weight I will at least be relieved and satisfied. Hooray stasis! Plateau please, I welcome you. Not up, not down, and NOT CRAZY, just neatly balanced.

And speaking of balance, I've recently noticed a new measure of thinness. When I lie on my stomach, propped on my elbows, I notice that my weight is distributed across my hip bones and my lower ribs. My belly is somewhat spared. It's nice to feel your body being supported through your bones, like a tripod with 4 points. Which I know makes absolutely no sense because I tripod has 3 points but I don't know what the 4-pointed equivalent is. A quadpod? Hmmm

In other news I haven't been going to uni and doing any of my homework and I'm speeding towards an incredibly huge amount of trouble. And pain. And failure. I've been treading water just trying to get through each day lately and hanging out in hospital with dying old people and cruel consultants is just more than I can bear. Today it is suddenly collapsing on me in big fat wave of panic. I have to deal with this, and food is not the way to handle it. But I'm feeling pretty stuck. I just need to fucking do it but even thinking about it makes me want to put my head in the oven.


  1. You are basically at my goal weight.
    I am extremely envious.

    Good luck love!

    Yasmine. xx

  2. Ah wonderful excellent work!
    Oh dear you just reminded me of the masses of homework which I have not done, and probably won't do. Crap. Oh dear.

    We will get through it! At least I'm only in year 11 so work isn't vitally important just yet.

    Much love.

  3. balancing work with everything else can feel impossible, but eventually you have to do it, hope you get started on it sooner than later.

    Just know I feel a portion of your anxiety, I'm finally catching up at work again.

  4. you know, as your anonymous lover/critic, i do wish you'd stop going on about how bony and ill you are, because at bmi 17 that just sounds like your overexagerating.

  5. Anonymous, your a stupid cunt.