bitch whore cow

It's been 9 days now since my boy and I broke up.
The first person I told was my best friend, via sms.
She never replied.

I thought, OK, there's a bit bit of a "boy who cried wolf" thing going on here. I do complain about him a lot, she probably thinks I'm not serious. A simple "hope you're OK" would be nice, but she's probably just too busy to respond, I'm gonna let it slide.

Still hadn't heard a peep from her til yesterday afternoon when she asked me if I was going to some going away party thing for another friend. Didn't really want to put I thought fuck it, I'm single now I have to try and get off my butt and mingle.

When I saw her, she didn't say ANYTHING about it. She said coldly, "so, have you stopped eating then?" like an accusation. People always say it like an accusation. With a forked tongue and spiteful up down glare. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. How about: "Have you been coping, you look thin, I hope you're eating something, I'm here for you"???

But no, if I'm losing weight, she's just pissed off because she looks fatter in comparison. So the whole night she didn't ask me ANYTHING about myself or my breakup or how I was doing. She just talked on and on about herself, and how all these boys wanted her last night, and how her mum is such a bitch, and how she doesn't know what to do next year, and how she wishes she had a boyfriend, and blah blah blah me me me me me me ME!

She couldn't even look at me.

The clincher came when a another girl there who I'd only met twice (and who couldn't even remember my name) asked how things were going with my boyfriend, and upon hearing about the breakup promptly embraced me and openly wished me all the best and told me she'd be thinking of me and she knew how hard it was.

Right in front of my best friend who looked away and still said NOTHING.

The thing that drives me nuts is that all she does is talk about herself and complain about her life and I ALWAYS support her through it. No matter how mundane or repetitive it is. She's my best fucking friend. I'm there for her.

Well FUCK HER

If she can't stand how much better I look than her now she going to hate it when I'm another 10 pounds down.

It's hardened my resolve.

Pity I b/pd the weekend away.
Shit, fuck, I feel really messy.
Last night I bawled for the first time in weeks.

Sorry about the language.