Friday, January 29, 2010

today i didnt vomit.
im hiccupping violently amd involuntarily
and there are tears streaming down my face
and i HATE MYSELF SO MUCH AND NOBODY COULD POSSIBLY LOVE ME
AND ALL THAT JAZZ

and i really feel so sick and so horrible

but today i did not vomit
and in 24 hours i did not vomit
and to you this may mean nothing

but to me
today
it means everything

because today I DID NOT VOMIT

8 comments:

  1. I'm 54kg. ..

    don't vomit.. don't just - don't

    man, it's not worth it. life's

    life is too much, too much as it is.

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  2. You did it! (:

    Don't be sad, Pasco. So you did binge (I'm postulating here) but you didn't purge! That's good enough for today. One small step at a time?

    *hugs*

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  3. I know how hard that can be. I fight it every day and I usually lose...

    I tell myself every morning I can make it, I can get through the day being in control, but then it's like the thinking part of me shuts down and I end up in the same cycle, eat and empty, and by the time I go to bed all I can do is tell myself that tomorrow will be different.

    So I know that 24 hours without going through that awful cycle is a big deal. I'm glad you made it :)

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  4. Bravo Pasco! I know what a victory that is.

    One day at a time.

    You will repeat this victory. I just know it.

    Be strong and stay lovely.
    xox,
    A

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  5. I'm so proud of you for making this choice. Like J. says, it is an addiction that you must fight every day. Know that you are doing what is best. You don't want your teeth turning to mush. You don't want your heart a lump of quivering tatters. You matter too much to let yourself die. Stay lovely, and stay strong. It's hard, but it's worth it. It's hard, but you are worth it.

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  6. Very well done! You are strong, and beautiful I know it.

    Just don´t give up...

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  7. my dear soulmate, this is MONUMENTAL!!! i am so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so proud of you!!! look at you go!! now you can throw up tomorrow if you really really need to, but you can also, if you feel like you need to throw up, look back at how many accumulating hours you have not thrown up in.

    baby steps, baby steps. AND PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT NOBODY COULD EVER LOVE YOU AND ALL THAT JAZZ BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, GOD DAMN IT, AND I'VE NEVER EVEN MET YOU!! and if i did i'd love you all the more. so that is bullshit and you know it. :D

    i would've commented earlier but i was throwing up. which is not so good as it's the second time today. but i am working on it and tomorrow is a new day. be the strong one for us, won't you? i know you can.

    you are both amazing and far, far stronger than you know. keep going, okay? now that you've got the momentum. every day it'll get easier. baby steps. and don't beat yourself up if you fail. it happens to the best of us. :D

    xx x

    ReplyDelete