Sunday, January 3, 2010

I ain't gonna lie...

There has been some puking.

Twice today. The first time was when my sister made meringues. There was a big tray of them waiting to go into the oven when she left for work. I dipped my finger in one to taste it, then in true bulimic form found myself crouched over the tray scooping the entire lot into my mouth in huge sticky gobs. It came up so quickly and easily, giant soft marshmallows emerging out of my mouth and into the toilet. Then I did it again after my dinner, which fit into my calorie allowance but which made me uncomfortably full.

I did it once yesterday. After family dinner came family dessert and I couldn't handle the thought of either of them.

So... this is discouraging.

I have still been exercising and I've very effectively vomited everything that has exceeded my calorie limit (and then some). But the fat is clinging to me in a thick and immovable layer. I'm feeling pretty fucking despairing, like I'm never going to shift it. All is want is for it to be gone.

Big fat sad face :(


  1. Give it a while, Pasco! You've been on the ABC for three days and it's discouraging when the scale doesn't show an immediate decrease but maybe that's just because of water retention.

    Don't give up! You've done it before; you can definitely do it again! (:

  2. I just began the ABC diet on the first as well. I exceeded my limit yesterday so I am going to do a ton of jumping jacks and not exceed my 300 limit today.
    The first few days feel so discouraging and not inspirational at all, but hopefully we can both get through it.
    I wish you the best of luck!

  3. I've started similar behaviour :/
    I find myself late at night, in fron of the open fridge looking for things to shove in my mouth. I stuff as much crap as I can in; cookies, chocolate, chips, bread..chew for a while..then spit it straight out into a napkin :(

    It feels so wrong and strange to be engaging in such a weird habbit but I can't help it. I'm not going to actually DIGEST alllll of that crap.
    Hope you feel better soon hun.

  4. hey noone goes from nought to perfect overnight. you're doing well, big picture sweetie!