Oh don't look so shocked! We all knew I was going to do it.
I'm taking plenty of positives away from it though. I was reasonably gentle on myself, no salt water or bicarb or other nasty household emetics. Took it easy, didn't push myself to get up every last tiny thing. Didn't panic. And didn't start eating again immediately afterward. Plus the entire time I was eating beforehand I was adamant I was going to keep it down. Puking was an afterthought. Which is still bad, but less bad than gorging myself with the intention of puking later.
OK, so I've blathered out all my excuses. I shouldn't excuse myself too much. There are those floodgates to think about. Tomorrow... I will do better.
The key is to forgive yourself.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you will move on.
There is nothing else to do but
Move on. Wake
Up tomorrow
Move on.
I'm so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteNot necessarily JUST for this, the physical action of purging unaccompanied by the initial eating with intents to purge (though that DOES say tons about your resolve...you're getting there!)...But more for your ability and willingness to take such positive insight from the experience. Whether it feels this way or not, you've made a very real decision to steer away from potentially negative, self-deprecating thoughts in this situation, avoiding calling yourself a failure (because you shouldn't! you're not one!), and moved upward and forward in your thinking, focusing on the positive and the progress that will surely come.
THAT, my beauty, is inspiring. :D
Stay lovely, sweetheart. <3
Its not as bad if you aren't forcing it. I know there have been times I'm struggling and kept going when I know I shouldn't. Hope tomorrow is better for you!
ReplyDeletewhat did i say earlier, oh soulmate, about how we are bound to slip up now and again and it's really really ok? you had two purge-free days! and that in and of itself is something. and yes yes YES i know the difference between puking as an afterthought and bingeing with the intention of purging. VERY big difference. you're ABSOLUTELY making progress. :D
ReplyDeletei ate nonstop yesterday. it was abhorrently disgusting. but i did not throw up, though i wanted to so much. i am telling myself that i have certainly worked out any nutritional imbalances i may have had by this point, so at least there is that!
we can do this. minor, minor slip up. it's ok it's ok i love you, stand firm against those floodgates! all is not lost. xx x