Today's plan went well off the rails. Firstly because after my dutiful breakfast of egg whites I went to work, managed about an hour, then ran to the bathroom to (unintentionally) projectile vomit. Secondly, because after spending an hour in the foetal position in a hospital disabled toilet I slunk home to bed and woke up to chicken. I ate A LOT of chicken and A LOT of fruit. Plus a little bit of chocolate and ice cream. It wouldn't be so bad, except that I didn't make it out of bed til about 5 in the evening so all the eating was quite smoodged together and now I feel icky and full.
BUT now I am going to stop. Not a morsel more. I'm going to wash my hair, brush my teeth and read your blogs til it's time for bed.
I shan't be vomiting, oh no sirree
I can handle this food inside of me
And the vomiting all morning doesn't count because it was not self induced. So hellooooo 2 days of not purging. My thighs are still massive and my anxiety is still prickling up my spine but I can deal with it later. Right now I have to NOT VOMIT and that is the most important thing in the world. So, I need a plan for tomorrow. My friend and I bought a massive slab of beef fillet which we have been intending to eat tomorrow. It will be fine, I will chew slowly and enjoy it and think of how much I really need the iron. Aside from that, it will be fruit and veg only.
Anise, dear soul mate, and Lulu and Savory, my precious pets, and everybody else, I could not have made it through 2 days without you! I love you til the ends of the earth. Here's going for the big 3...
xxx
Dear Miss EPR,
ReplyDeleteDO make it to three days. Do, do, do! I'm sure that it means SO much, to have some unknown teenager from possibly a different state believing you can...
love, Miss Inter-State Bella.
PS. I hope your body doesn't feel the need to involuntarily purge itself tomorrow! And that you start to feel much better!
And hey, are you a doctor? And is it good?
And extremely difficult?
PPS. definitely in a different state.
ReplyDeleteGood. Then just stop. It doesn't do
ReplyDeletemuch anyways, but build
the apetite
for later. And my shrink says
the body learns to
digest food quicker than you usually throw it up, that it keeps what it needs (calories), that
vomitting "makes you fatter."
I researched. And stopped.
you are doing SO SO SO SO SO well and i am SO happy. projectile vomiting does not count. the fact that you kept the chicken does is UH-MAY-ZING!
ReplyDeletenow it is my turn. i woke last night to my heart hammering about in my chest and the blood rushing through my ears as i bent over to check the time. looking back now i am sure it was nothing, maybe just the remnants of a dream and anxiety making things worse, but a cold icy panicked fear set in, and i lay in bed in the dark with my hand pressed to my heart, willing it to beat regularly, until i fell asleep again.
so today i will not throw up.
you will not throw up.
i will not throw up.
we will not throw up.
because we are stronger than this, and YES, we need the iron, and the potassium and magnesium and sodium and phosphorus and everything else.
and because it is important that we do not die.
you are THE best soul mate in the world, and we can get off this effing crazy roller coaster. we will hold hands and squeeze our eyes shut and jump.
also i LOVED and LAUGHED AT your comment about the puke dance! funny how we all do these things without knowing that other people do them too... every time i do it it makes me laugh, and now it will make me think of you and smile, so at least there is that :D
BUT I WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN, GDMNIT! no puking today, anise. no and no and no. :D
xx x
Have I told you how much I enjoy your banner? It's lovely. Enjoy the blog too, naturally, and hope you are doing better. Have a great (i.e. skinny) weekend!
ReplyDelete