Thursday, October 15, 2009

At War

Today has been hard. It is still being hard. I'm so tired. Bereft of any motivation. I can't stop thinking about food, and I can't be bothered doing anything so as to distract myself.

But I'm still battling on

It's 4.30pm. I had a boiled egg for breakfast, a piece of ham and some strawberries for lunch and lots of raw veg throughout the day. Trying to kid my stomach into believing it is being properly fed. Around 200 calories in total. I don't count raw veg calories. I'm of the firm belief that it is impossible to eat enough raw veg for the calories to make much of a dent. And I need the nutrients. Of course scary vegetables like potatoes don't count as vegetables at all. No siree, even I can't pretend those calories don't exist.

Still all thoughts on food. In half an hour I'm going shopping with my housemate. This will create a distraction. Unfortunately we are going to Ikea, and she has a "thing" for dodgy fatty Ikea food. I am going to be pushed into a jam doughnut I can feel it. Last time we went to Ikea I resisted and resisted and played the "already ate" card then stood around awkwardly while she ate. I won't get away with it again. If I call a jam doughnut dinner, hopefully it won't be much more than 300 calories and I can call it a day at 500. Then again, I'm sure it will probably be more than 300. May as well be a million. It is not part of my plan.

I could give myself the day off today, enjoy a junky Ikea dinner and be good tomorrow. But it doesn't work like that. You can't "enjoy" anything when you feel that hateful angry guilty twinge in the back of your brain. And once I've let my guard down I'll only go mad and eat continuously until I puke.

When you lose the battle
You may as well give up the war


  1. I saw this on a billboard today: It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop. Don't give up! (:

    I've tried eating raw/steamed vegetables for days before and after a while, I'll be screaming for something salty/savoury. Now I like to stir-fry my vegetables with a pinch of salt and pepper, and a splash of soy sauce to add some 'taste'. Without any oil or butter, of course! Onions add sweetness, and mushrooms contain natural monosodium glutamate. You could give it a try if eating raw vegetables after a while gets boring! (:

  2. I'm with you... raw veggies barely count. You could eat lettuce all day and not hit 100 calories.

  3. I've never actually been to an Ikea, but yeah I heard their food place is terrible! Don't let her pressure you into it. Just because she wants to indulge, does not necessarily mean that you have to. You are not two parts of a whole person, you're two unique individuals, and as your housemate she should respect that. Good luck today. I'll know you'll pull through. We're counting on you, soldier!

  4. The Ikeas in Canada always have little steamed veggie side-dishes...sounds like your ikea needs to get healthy!! Good job on the 900cals and no purging :)

  5. "When you lose the battle
    You may as well give up the war"

    I've lived those words again and again. I feel your pain. I suppose all we can do is keep up the good fight. Do the best you can darling. And good luck!