Saturday, September 12, 2009

let me eat cake...

Yesterday I fasted. I didn't go into the day intending to fast. But I skipped breakfast, then I was busy and lunchtime passed by, and thence forth it seemed logical not to eat anything at all seeing as I was on a roll.

I've only ever fasted one day at a time before. Usually when I wake up the following day I feel wretched and I need to eat to feel better. This morning though I woke up feeling light as air. Not plagued by the headache and nausea that usually accompany my post-fast mornings. I considered extending my fast and making it 2 days. Then I decided against it. Probably because I am weakling, but the rationale I tried to use with myself was that I really don't want to enter ketoacidosis and stuff my metabolism.

So it is late afternoon now and I've eaten about 350 calories today, in the form of fruit and chicken salad. By all accounts this should be pretty freaking BRILLIANT. But I don't feel brilliant. I feel uncomfortably full. Uncomfortably full yet far from satisfied. Now all I can think about is eating. I want to eat more. I want to bake an entire batch of cookies or cupcakes and eat the lot. And ice cream. And choc chip banana muffins. It is nightmarish and outrageous! I just want cake cake CAKE!

I'm trying, really trying, to take my mind off it.


  1. I have a solution to our little problem.

    1. FEAR NOT, for BOTH of us CAN do conversions.
    2. ONE of us cannot type.
    3. That "One Of Us" would be...(you guessed it)ME!

    And actually, you are quite brilliant. I don't think I've mentioned that before... But you are! I can really only fast weekends, if I do my very, very, VERY best. And an accidental fast is actually probably BETTER than a deliberate one! Because:
    A) it doesn't take as much self control/effort/foody thoughts
    B) it means that, hey! Your body has decided it doesn't mind not eating that much at all! and
    C) Not eating for a little while will not kill you, and one-day starves are brill because maybe your metabolism won't shoot you dead! BANG!


    Good luck separating that...

  2. I forgot to say, I am actually SIX centimetres shorter than you are. Cheers, Big Ears!

  3. Oh no! I hate that feeling. I stopped buying flour because of the constant temptation to bake, bake, bake when it was late and I was starving. Sometimes it helped me to pore over recipe books until I was so sick of food that I couldn't be bothered actually cooking.

    So the way I see it, you have three options. You can try eating something little and sweet (yoghurt, dried fruit) to avoid cake entirely. You can have cake but only enough for one. Or you can resist food entirely.

    If you want to bake; I have a recipe for a microwave cake for one which is yummy but won't leave you with an entire batch of something to eat. (Warning: This cake is really easy and kind of addictive. One serving is enough. BUT you may find yourself wanting to eat it everyday. I can put the recipe up on my blog if you'd like, but will wait for your go-ahead. I don't want to tempt you with cake at a weak moment!)

    If you want to resist; here is some random dude being really mean about cravings that has helped me in the past

    Hope I helped and good luck!! xx

  4. Wow! :D
    Well done on your fast. It's the first day which I find hard. If I can do one day, I find I can go on for 3 but... I never seem to ever be able to do one day haha :P

    Well, hope you're ok :)

  5. My dear, it sounds like you are doing brilliantly!
    I am quite pleased.
    I hope you resist the cake.
    But if you don't, I'll love you anyway.
    That's not what you need to hear though


    Much love <33

    You aren't fat :)

  6. Nono.
    It's okay.
    No need to panic.
    Breathe slowly.

    You have 13 days left.
    Go get out of the house.
    Sip something diet.
    Go spill your thoughts somehow.
    Maybe a run?
    Nice evening in the park?

    Just stay away from the cake.
    I have faith in you.

    Together we'll get to 50 and beyond.
    Stay strong and motivated.

  7. you did so good on your fast!

    try to look at thinspo, or other pro ana blogs: that always helps me when i'm about to binge.

    keep up the good work!



  8. i feel the same wayy!! keep up your stength you are a total thinspiration!! i LOVE reading your blog!

  9. i've been feeling like that today, but, the more i think about food the more undecided I am about what to eat, so i just get frustrated and choose not to eat because i can't make up my mind. Also, everytime my appetite seems to wake up, i think of this really gross moldy rice i had to clean up once, it had maggots swiming in the icky cheese looking goo...gross...

  10. i too have MASSIVE problems with cake. MASSIVE. except usually i don't make it to the cake part and just eat all the batter.

    anyway anything positive / supportive / motivational i have to say has been said by the 9 lovely comments before me, so i'm not even going to try to say something here.

    what i can say, SOUL MATE, is that you are wonderfully amazing and i was very excited about your reference to ketoacidosis (i am obviously into medical things) and every moment you are not posting i am thinking, golly, i wish Pasco would post something because i need to know more about what's going on in her life even if it's about her having giant simpatico cake needs. i hope this is not creepy. my brain is not working on account of having been semi-exposed to radiation all day while doing radiographs of birds. also i killed a bird today. yes, on purpose! euthanasia and all that. i have to say that i was quite proud to get the needle in the vein on the first try and it didn't blow out. yes! and we're talking small small veins too, because it was a young black crowned night heron (which are SO pretty, go google!) anyway i am making progress.

    when the hell did this comment get to be about me and not you? GUH. too many x-rays bouncing around inside my skull, clearly.

    do something for me. close the cookbook (which i know is open to various cake recipes). sit down on the couch. oh wait--first open the DVD player and put in Finding Nemo/Beauty and the Beast/Lion King/Mulan/Ice Age/Aladdin/Robin Hood. NOW sit on couch. sip fizzy water. sing along to EVERY song. like, EVERY song. i want lyrics quoted in my next comment.


    is that taking your mind of that-which-must-not-be-named-which-we-will-henceforth-call-voldemort?


    love the fishes who are commiserating with you from across many seas !