Saturday, December 5, 2009


I'm trying to keep positive
Trying trying TRYING

Every day I do well but every night I end up unable to stop eating and invariably throwing up as much as I can as quietly as I can before bed. It didn't used to be like this. I never struggled with night time eating in the past. I wish I could shake the habit. I HAVE to shake the habit. Otherwise no amount of positivity will dig me out of this hole.

It is just so hard to shake the habit when I feel as though I have no control over myself. I don't know how it continually happens. I am a marionette and I'm controlled by someone whose theory I understand but who I cannot connect with emotionally at all. Dancing the same stupid fucking dance, bound by the same endless fucking song.


  1. I struggle with night-time eating all the time. Especially when I'm burning the midnight oil to study for exams. I suppose the only solution is to sleep as early as possible? Or keep a sparse fridge and an empty snacks cupboard so there's nothing to chew on no matter how strong the temptation.


  2. Would you say you were a 'showroom dummy'?

  3. I struggled with night-time eating, I go to bed at a much earlier time, and, like blue butterfly said, I make sure there's not much in the kitchen to eat in the first place.
    You'll get through this. I can tell that you're strong.

  4. Sorry, I was being lame.

    It's a Kraftwerk reference- appropriate enough to show my support without having to make a conversational commitment.

    It's a lame sentiment. From now on I promise to only say helpful things.

  5. But you are trying and that's what is important, right? Don't lose hope keep fighting this Marionettocracy!