Wednesday, August 26, 2009
This morning I drove to the beach to go running. I ran a short way but it was tricky because the tide was out and it was very rocky. I stopped and just meandered around collecting shells for an hour or so. The sun was out for the first time in weeks. It was so beautiful. It didn't matter that I wasn't burning vast numbers of calories. It was sunshine and happiness, lightness of being. And the greatest thing was that I was completely distracted from all thoughts of food.
We need to remember to treat ourselves with a little kindness. We are so brutal to our bodies and so cruel to our hearts. Even if we can't love ourselves, we need to treat ourselves to tiny glimpses of happiness when we can.
Now my tiny glimpse of happiness has past, I've already eaten all my allotted daily calories, and I'm desperately trying to ignore the hunger in my belly and in my head. Such a hideous battle. I wish I could just go to bed and not think about it. But it's only 6.30. I just want to eat. But then I'll stay fat and I can't bear it. I'm struggling to love myself at all now.