Sunday, August 16, 2009
SCREW THIS SHIT
My stomach is so distended I can't stand up straight. It hurts. Oh god it really really hurts. I've hit the 3rd day of a some serious bulimic behaviour, binged and purged fine this morning, but this evening BANG. Like a brick wall. Gag gag gag retch spit gag and NOTHING. This seems to be the new routine. After 3 days of crazy eating and puking my body says "no" and I have to digest a monumental binge. Which shakes me into starvation for the next 4 or 5 days. Then that nagging voice gets into my ear and it drags me kicking and screaming to the supermarket and blows all my money on a new cycle of binging.
And I'm getting fatter. I haven't been able to weigh myself since I've been away. About a month. But the gap between my thighs has been steadily narrowing and by morning I just know they'll be squished back against each other once more. FUCK.
I WOULD KILL TO JUST BE ABLE TO THROW UP
Not an inspiration today ladies, just a fat tragic loser