Kiss me til I'm in a coma.
I walked down to the shops this morning. Beautiful day, late winter spontaneous burst of sun. And I walked barefoot, like I used to do a long time ago before I had a car and before I had an eating disorder. And that smell of footpath and road and flower weeds. Skirting around bits of broken bottles and breaking into a half-jog mid road-cross to avoid slightly too quick cars.
And there it was. A tiny touch of myself again and what life used to be like. When small things all around imprinted me. When stuff was noticed. When I moved in the world and I felt it.
Now I live in a stupor. Blotting out time with obscene secretive behaviours because I'm frightened. I'm not sure what of. Decisions, maybe.
When I realise this I feel like I have nothing left.
oh my god this is ME this is ME TOO absolutely and so completely, oh soul mate.
ReplyDeletebut there is something left. it's in those moments, those touches of ourselves that we find unexpectedly. don't ask me though how to make them ever-present again. i wish to fuck i knew.
xx x