I'm really no good at it. And yet I'm too terrified of normal meals and normal eating to break free of it. Guess I'll just bumble along in the same sloppy fashion indefinitely. If only I felt a little more inspired. I need a goal, something to really strive for, instead of this ambiguous dissatisfaction.
I miss my old blog life, too. For a while I was following so many bloggers that it took me hours to read everybody's posts. So I stopped adding new ones. Now all my dear old friends seem to have slipped away and my reading list is rarely updated. It's sad! I'm a little lonely. My anonymous hate comments will soon outnumber the rest! They're fun, but in moderation.
Anise? Savory? Lulu? Can you recommend me anyone good to follow?
Maybe I should just let my blog wither and die like the others.
Let's face it, it's getting pretty stale.
This is almost exactly how I feel. I just stood in the shower for over half an hour, not washing, just wondering, what the fuck do I do now? I don't know that I want this anymore. But I can't eat normally. I am still disordered. The only choice is give in and eat and be disordered and fat, or keep aimlessly restricting and be disordered but thin. I have no goal either. Trying to fight relapsing to severely low weight again but not wanting to be where I am. Not really wanting anything. Just like you said; ambiguous dissatisfaction. Meandering. Lost. Blogger feels dead too. I am still here. You don't follow me but I follow you. Not that my blog has anything going for it at the moment. Withering, like my motivation.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a helpful comment, I realise. But do stay. I like your posts. Sporadic, they're something to value and look forward to that way.
:( I remember that one odd time we talked on the phone you talked about average blog life, and how they all die. Mine died, and now just pops up boring and rarely. But yours is immortal! In a way, I still enjoy reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd I also have no goals, so I make myself meaningless goals that I don't really care about but are there anyway.
And rememeber the apple, cinnamon, and lemon juice. That was so great and yum.
Anyway. <3 and hope you do not leave.
There are other choices hon. You could always get help. You'd be surprised at how good those centers are. Really. You have that option.
ReplyDeleteLove you, no matter what you choose. You are beautiful! Stay in touch <3
Btw, I feel the exact same way as you. I was going through my reading list the other day and almost 2/3 of those girls are gone. I'm happy for them though. I hope they found happiness.
ReplyDeletePlease don't stop. I read your blog but I don't have mine. I am sure there're plenty of people like me. Your blog helped me a lot and your problems worry me. I hope you will break through and figure out your life. I don't know if it makes sense cause english is not my first language. I am also struggling with some food issues and eat and binge. But if you try, even for a short time, you're not defeated. Love O.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, we'll be here waiting. I remember in your first post when you said it was pointless to eat and you just stopped seeing any reason to carry on with it and the food just fell away... and you got so thin. A way back maybe?
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog so dont let it die!!! :) And I feel that I cant do this sometimes too, but you just gotta keep going, trust me, I have been on the other side and it is awesome! I was forced to gain, but I am on my way back again! :) Keep it up k? :)
ReplyDelete~Elora
i miss coming onto blogger and having 5 or even more new posts to read. everyone has abandoned it and its upsetting, but you are one of the few who is still posting. please don't stop. i really enjoy reading your blog pasco.
ReplyDeleteI relate to every sentiment in this post.
ReplyDeleteI just joined blogger but I've been following you for months, and I totally agree with you. People drop off like flies, without notice or anything, and I spose I'm lucky that I hadn't been part of the community so that it wasn't as sad. I wish I knew what they were thinking before they threw that part of their life away, you know? Please don't up and leave D:
ReplyDeletePlease don't stop writing. I've read every single thing you've posted since I started following you all those months ago. It gives me hope knowing that someone, somewhere out there cares when I stop blogging. I realise that this is also a pointless comment but please have hope, I think everyone is floundering and drowning and aimless and dissatisfied, just some people are better at disguising it to the world and themselves. Please don't fade away, your blog isn't pointless to me. xoxo
ReplyDeleteplease don't stop your blog. I love following your blog. It's one of the best out there :)
ReplyDeletexxxx Linnxy