Monday, February 22, 2010


Feeling pretty stuck and hopeless. Inert. Heavy. Can't seem to find any motivation, or perhaps just no drive. The self loathing still motivates me to want to be thinner. I just don't have the fortitude to follow anything through. And yet I miss it, I MISS it. I want to survey the world with those eyes again. Bright, clear, hungry eyes.

It has been a fat week full of birthday excuses. I'm over 57kg again this morning. And now another Monday packed with "new start" hope but I know, I KNOW, right from the beginning at only 6.40am that I have no power. I won't pull it off. I'll stay fat and get fatter.

I miss my lovely hungry eyes and the yearning hungry eyes of others as they were cast over my probably-too-thin form. I feel hopeless. I feel blind.


  1. I'm going through the same thing. Do you think we get to a point where we can't do it anymore yet we're just so messed up?

  2. I love how you can so elegantly portray my exact feelings on your blog. You are such inspiration, you have no idea. I missed this community so much <3 I want to fast. I'm starting tomorrow. 5 days. Will you do it with me?

  3. Things will get better, I know it seems like they never will right now, but don't worry, try not to think about it too much, I wish, I could be of more help to you.
    I'm sorry, I hope your okay, x.

  4. Leaving love your way. Be strong, safe and happy.

  5. We all have times like this. You'll get through it. I have no doubt. Don't despair.

  6. Sometimes we know that we will have no good day already in the morning.
    Don´t worry, tomorrow will be another day, and you will get your strength back, you surely will.

    Take good care.