Saturday, September 11, 2010


i am fat and disgusting and i hate myself. i dont know where the last 5 kilos came from. it was so quick and seemingly painless and so strangely imperceptible and yet here i am... fat

actually fat

not just not as thin as i want to be

i went from finally getting thin... to ok... to fat

fat fat fat actually fat

62 kilos of fat

im back at my starting weight

and im so ashamed

JUST TAKE IT OFF ME
HELP ME
HOW DO I FIX THIS??
FIX THIS

i am very drunk right now
and very lonely
and very ugly
and angry
and very desperate

I LET THIS HAPPEN

because i knew i could regroup and change

and here i am and i cant change

HELP

JUST MAKE IT RIGHT

PLEASE!!!

Posted by at

8 comments:

  1. KellySeptember 11, 2010 at 5:10 AM

    I hate that you are at your starting weight again, nothing is scarier than that (except maybe being above your starting weight?)

    I wish I could fix it all for you, but this is in your hands, unfortunately no one can do this for us. I'm finally back down to 135 and hoping to stay focused to continue my way down, won't you join me?

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Elsewhere GirlSeptember 11, 2010 at 5:51 AM

    oh sweetie, i want to make this better

    you can do it
    i am back there at the start too
    it is terrifying
    i hate it too
    i want ti rip myself apart

    but we got there before
    just remember that
    cling to it

    tomorrow is a new day, come on, we can doo this, lets find some internal strength, get a braclet, run from food, we can do this we really can

    believe it
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. ioSeptember 11, 2010 at 7:59 PM

    you can fix this yourself. break the cycle. you've done it before, so why should you not do it again. if you believe in yourself you can do anything. i really hope it all gets better soon. i wish i could snap my fingers and make you smile in a heartbeat. but i can't. so in stead i'm here and believeing in you. and hoping for the best.

    love, io
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. little Miss Almost-PerfectionSeptember 11, 2010 at 10:16 PM

    i feel exactely the same. i have gained 5 kilos in 3 months i spent at home. not in a year, in 3 fucking months.
    i'm awful

    ReplyDelete
  5. VampireSeptember 12, 2010 at 12:48 AM

    Well, if it came on that fast, it'll come off that fast too if you try to get it off =) I'm sure you'll be fine *Hug*

    ReplyDelete
  6. whimiscal whimsSeptember 12, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    i love you. i've read your blog for some time now and it seems that you post exactly what is on my mind at exactly the right moments.

    for some reason, i just can't think you're ugly. for some reasonn i just know you're beautiful. maybe i'm psychic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 5:04 AM

    Oh my God I weigh less than you.
    No that that's a great achievement...
    But whatever.

    I'm thinner than Pasco!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousSeptember 16, 2010 at 8:19 PM

    what is that anonymous comment about? i think its meant to be a warped compliment about how she thinks of you as skinny but come on!

    i love you lots, i hope you know that no matter where you feel you are on your journey/battle with your body.
    Oh and i think I am back. Why i do not know, but here i am. xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete

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