Monday, May 10, 2010


It's in my eye! It is!

I have just spent the last few days feeling strangely happy. Against the most unlikely odds. Despite almost no sleep, times of loneliness, mountains of pressure, tangible rejection and a whole lot of hangover... All of these things that normally squish me and hurt me and make me miserable and incapable have just slid off my surface. I don't get it.

It may be a phase but it doesn't feel like a phase. My eating disorder isn't really any better or any worse, but I feel calm and my mood is good. I have new patience for my family and friends, I have new energy to tackle work and I have a tiny spark of new love for myself.

In the very least I want to care for myself. I'm feeling all these surges of "first day of the rest of my life" palaver and I'm going to try to start eating normally. I'm gaining weight steadily as it is because I'm continually trying to restrict too hard and rebound binging. I'm going to try and eat around 1300 calories a day, I'm going to try and do some gentle exercise and I'm going to try to get my life back.



  1. genius woman. seriously. good.

    love et passion comme toujours

    ps: you're a doc, yes? how many dead people have you cut open/sewn together? it's probably fair to say that i watch too much grey's anatomy.

  2. This is a very reasonable plan, and I really hope you can stick to it. And as long you are kinda happy, it´t the right way.

    wish you all the best!

  3. Isn't it strange how contentment can feel so utterly foreign yet familiar at the same time?

    I'm glad you sound positive and happy.

    Yes Pasco, do take care of yourself! (:

    *big hug*

  4. :D good luck! and lol@first comment

  5. I'm rooting for you Pasco! I'm so glad that you're feeling good! Keep up the momentum, you are golden.

    I miss you!
    (, I have gtalk too...IM me.)

  6. i hope your plan works out well for you!

  7. I have seriously missed your blog.