Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ugly Day

I know that we all feel irrationally and disproportionately ugly most of the time, and I know that almost all people, even those with normal self esteem, have ugly days. Bearing that in mind I know this isn't a particularly profound revelation, but today I am feeling stupendously ugly.

I am mortified at my reflection.

And almost in a kind of angry-fucking-pissed-off way, rather than in a sad way. In a self-loathing way, rather than in a self-pitying way. In a get-yourself-together-Pasco-and-stop-being-so-fucking-gross way.

But I feel the heavy static pull of repugnance and I can't be bothered with the futility of fixing it. And soon it will be too late, I will have to drive myself to work looking like this, and I'll wind up hating myself for it.

I know, I know, it's just an ugly day. It will pass. And I have been doing very well lately - infrequent purging, moderate restricting, about two and a half kilos lost in two weeks. Just keep calm, ride out the ugly wave, it'll pass... it will pass.


  1. i spent every minute of every day, for yrs, on the ugly wave. now not as much. i dont know if its cos im older or iv been in therapy for yrs or if its because now i focus more on actually being able to lose weight.maybe a mixture.now i dont think im ugly, im just plain. not even average, just plain. maybe in a few yrs i will graduate to believeing im sorta attractive!!

  2. it will pass & you know how I know it will pass? because you've post a picture before & I know you're too lovely to be ugly forever :)

  3. ride that wave pasco!!
    we are behind you, riding too, and I can tell you that I can see the shore in the distance. Yes! Just keep riding, keep slowly losing, before you know it, you will have lost more than you knew and you will be on dry land, running around queen of your heart and mind xxx

  4. :( I have days like this too, and it's on those days that I don't even want to go out anywhere. It's so horrible to feel so exceptionally bad about yourself so I really feel for you. You have all my love!