Sunday, April 25, 2010
Here comes the fear
This can't be my life, can it? This isn't who I am. This isn't good.
I don't trust myself
I am running out of safe places
My mother's place is not safe, I binge there, without fail
My own place is no longer safe, I used to feel in control here, but no longer
Now I binge here, without fail.
I feel safe at work. My new department, my new routine, and so busy busy busy
I am happy at work because I feel safe there, and I don't fear myself.
I leave, and driving from place to place is safe
Where will I go? Developing plans, smiling
But there is no safe place to arrive at and suddenly I am frightened of myself again
And with good reason.
A self-fulfilling prophecy
Fueled by fear