so

this weekend I am fixing it
this weekend I am doing it
my life is an awful pile of shit
it is a tragic and pitiful waste
I've had enough

I see the life I want
clear as crystal


I'll never get there
but I can at least get as far as I can from here

hate this

why can't I just fix my life?
why am I just so shit?

i want

i want so badly to give you something



today i had some green vegetables steamed with a little soy sauce for lunch
and some carrot and celery sticks and a mango for dinner

and now im soooooo drunk



but believe you me, girls,
it's worth it.

By golly
Stay drunk and startlingly emptytis all

tis all I gor

I think I'm a bit over this.

Anyone still read?
Anyone give a shit if I sod off?

mastercleanse

Tonight I drank bleach
because I was too drunk to throw up

I threw up

And now I am so clean
Horrifically lemony fresh

I AM KILLING MYSELF

This is absurd
Awful

To think I was so proud when I woke up this morning.

This is not just an all new low
It is so much more
It is the embodiment of my imminent demise
The intensity of me desperation

I am so fucked
So fucked

I know now I am probably going to die from this

Breakthrough

Yesterday I didn't binge or purge.

I wasn't really trying, I was just busy all day.
I hung out with a friend, went out for lunch, did some shopping, got a hair cut, came home and went to bed around 11pm.

It was the sort of day I imagine perfect people have. Not really caring or thinking about food. Eating out and able to enjoy it, but then too busy and carefree and not-eating-disordered to even think to eat for the rest of the day.

This morning I feel good.