When you come in
You're in for good
There was no promise made
The part you played
The chance you took
There are no answers here
When you look out
You don't see in
There's no way out of here
When you come in
You're in for good
I'm pretty sure David Gilmour was talking about heroin, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was actually referring to his life as a closet anorexic. This just came on my playlist and it resonated with my whole day's musings. I'm shocked at my ability to get so sick so fast. Sometimes my head feels clear and I feel so normal, but everything is different. Everything. There bloody well absolutely is no way out of here.
51.1kg (112.4 lbs) just then. But it's 5 o'clock in the arvo and I haven't had anything to eat or drink today. I was going to have a healthy dinner but now I'm not so sure. When you make it a whole day without feeling hungry or even thinking about food, why not make the most of it and starve on?
dont eat. there's really no point in dinner at all, i dont think i've had an evening meal in about two months. your just going to go to sleep and turn it all to fat.
ReplyDeletethat being said, i cant renember the last time i had breakfast, or lunch.. if i eat anything, it's a snack (which i'll purge) or a binge (which i'll purge). i sometimes hate this disease, but a lot of the time i just feel empowered when i sit there with black coffee and a cigarette and my friends eat muffins and frapuccinos and weigh double the amount i do.
anyways! hope you had a nice day. it's only 11 AM here but i'm passed out on the sofa. i had some blood tests the other day, and they've really drained me.
I can't believe you only weigh 77 pounds! You're minuscule! I made myself a 300 cal salad and ate half. I might have the other half tomorrow for lunch. 150 cal for a day isn't bad, but I might have some strawberries later... I like to create a pseudo-real-eating structure to my day sometimes. I figure one day I'll find a balance that works. Besides it's only 6.30pm, so I've got hours yet to burn it off...
ReplyDeleteand here I am scrambling to try and justify eating. Terrible!
oisodia, i've been lower than 70 so not feeling so happy right now.
ReplyDeletetoday i've eaten a tangerine, and a little toffee chew thing out of frustration, because i was going to get my belly peirced. ahaha.
ahahah, no worries. it's not as if anyone expects you to just eat nothing the whole time. i'm fasting a day, eating a day atm because it keeps your metabolism fooled and your body not fueled. and i'm so weak atm, no control.
hope you had a good day,
xoxo
Oh, I wish i was 112lbs like you.
ReplyDeleteLife would be that much better.
I just stumbled on your blog today. Wow, great first impression. The look, it's so artsy and dark and amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to reading more from you.