Tomorrow afternoon I'm rushing straight from uni to the airport. I'm going interstate for 10 days to stay with a friend and have a holiday. This is very exciting and spontaneous, which amazes me as I NEVER do anything at all exciting or spontaneous EVER. I, the eternal traveler on the path of least resistance to the realm of unfulfillment.
But not tomorrow!
Do you suppose this means I'm getting better?
The eating thing is scary though. Me and Lu, we got this pact, see? No binging, no purging. Particularly the no purging, cause I reckon when you get that down pat, the binging becomes more consequential so fucking harden up and stop it ay. So anywho, as I was saying, me and Lu, Lu and me, pact, right? Today I consumed the rather high but rather normal total of 800 very healthy calories (except the 200 calories of giant freddo which were possible unhealthy) which makes 2 good days out of a 5 day pact (see me and Lu, right, we got this pact, see? Well, you get it, mmm). I am super impressed with myself. Good healthy normal day, still low by good healthy normal standards for normal healthy good people. Halfway between maintaining and restricting I suppose. If I could do that every day for the rest of my life I'd be stupendously happy.
However all that was entirely dependent on an extremely contained, controllable, calm situation. Plain sailing with no interference. So essentially what I'm saying is as of tomorrow I'm up to my neck is exciting, spontaneous, tempestuous seas. I'm a bit fucked, if you will. Oh dear. Not to mention in a moment of idiocy a while back I told the friend I'm staying with I have "eating issues", so now I will most likely be monitored. Oh dear. I never mentioned anything about the purging but I'm sure she will have a low threshold of suspicion. Oh dear. Which would be great if it limits my purging, except that there will be nothing to limit my eating. And eating with no option to purge usually results in panic, which results in poorly covert purging, which results in a whole lot of OH DEAR.
So, the entire debacle will begin on the flight tomorrow evening. Which will be 5 hours or so of cookies and bread rolls and peanuts and all that fun stuff. It's like being carried away on a ship of fools to meet an island of insanity, except the island is a city and the ship is a plane and I am already insane.
Any of that make any sense?
Mmm, didn't think so
BON VOYAGE (to me)
x
you didnt say where you are going!
ReplyDeleteand dont worry, it all made sense, except for the last part about the plane and the shipp... dont worry about the food, try to keep calm and eat slowly. chew a lot. sounds so silly but actually helps, so you wont binge.
xoxo
Yes, chewing slowly sounds kind of obvious, but I think it's an excellent plan that I will use as my primary defense mechanism! And I can't say exactly where I'm going because I don't want to give away my SECRET IDENTITY (cue "oooooooh")
ReplyDeletehave an amazing time! xo
ReplyDeleteI wish I could get away for a while.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have an amazing time whereever your going,
secret identity,
it sounds like were spies haha,
x.
Oooo good luck! I hope you're going somewhere warmm.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a super exciting trip.
(I hear you have this pact, yeah. tehe)
you're just gonna have to use your friend's prior knowledge of your issues to scare yourself into (at least semi-)normality.
ReplyDeleteMaybe plan now to eat exactly half of whatever she's eating, and say you think you're stomach has shrunk. Eat reeeeeeally slowly so you finish at the same tme. then If she's eating like a normal person then you'll still be halfway between restriction and normalcy, without too much planning...
and no bingeing! remind yourself that she'll know when you switch into binge mode, and she'll know when you realise what you've done and make excuses, so its just not an option. Good luck!xx
"so fucking harden up and stop it ay" . HAHAHA. That just sounds so dodge Australian.
ReplyDeleteYou sound a little bit off the planet in this post - was fun to read!!!
hap hap happy,;;fckmakl
xx
BON VOYAGE!
ReplyDeletep.s. love the pic.
I agree with Gem, though, as an American, I love all new lexicon I get from your blog.
ReplyDelete*waves handkerchief at you* Bon Voyage Lovely!
Have a safe and //safe// journey. We'll be missing you and look forward to hearing about your adventures :)
Hi, I just started following your blog. Hope you have fun on your trip! I don't know about you, but whenever I go on planes there are always huge people on it. What the hell are they doing? Obviously they are the crazy ones. I don't know if it will help you on your flight back, but I always look at the enormous people who bulge into other seats and it doesn't make me want to eat. AT ALL. Again, hope your trip goes well!
ReplyDeleteLC