My hiatus went a day longer then anticipated.
And it didn't do much for mental health, just protracted my self-indulgent self-loathing. I thought eating normally would help, but I can't do that, remember?
So I ate and I puked and I sat and I stared and I ate and puked some more. My sister is onto me too, so then I ate and puked and stared and denied and denied and puked and denied and stared and hid away and felt helpless. It's no way to live.
So stuff it!
Stuff em!
I'm back in the game and tomorrow morning will be abc day 11, 150 cal, as though the last 3 days never happened. It's time to get lovely. I don't want to be this gross, flabby, over-emotional-slash-emotionless out-of-control mess anymore. It's time to get my pretty on!
Now I've also been thinking that I'm not actually enormously far off my maintenance weight. The problem is that I can't do maintenance, because I can't do normality. I don't want to yoyo between weight gain and binging and purging and restricting and shrinking and growing for the rest of my life. I need to LEARN to eat semi-normally. So I think I might need to throw in a couple of "practice maintenance" days into my abc here in there. Any thoughts?
Tomorrow morning I will weigh my self and assess the damage I've done.
Thats probably a good idea... Sometimes I wonder if I sabotage myself on purpose when i get near my GW because its easier to still be striving for it than to get there and have to adopt a whole different mindset just to stay there!
ReplyDeleteI wanna get lovely too. xx
I'm doing the "practice maintenance" this week as well. Holding off on the ABC until June 1st, and that's when the competition starts so it should be good. I just really need to figure out how to control myself and eat "balanced" meals only three times a day.
ReplyDeleteI've achieved a couple of goal weights already, but every time I hit a target and try maintaining, I fail. It's much harder than restricting!
ReplyDeleteI just can't eat semi-normally either.
Good luck with tomorrow, love!
xxxxx
"don't want to be this gross, flabby, over-emotional-slash-emotionless out-of-control mess anymore." Very inspiring.
ReplyDelete