Just to update you all, I never made it home from my parent's place and I never made it to the gym. Instead I continued to eat. Then I bought myself a glorious, gorgeous pink KitchenAid mixer and proceeded to make homemade pizza and pasta with mum. So I ate and ate some more and now I am about to go to bed stuffed. Honestly, I really haven't even contemplated throwing up. The food we made was too incredible and wholesome and amazing. I would feel terrible vomiting something created with such love and care. It was actually delightful. Mum and I poring over the bench, kneading dough and negotiating the pasta maker together. I'm bloated but for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm sort of enjoying the feeling.
So I've been thinking about how to progress from here. Initially what I was thinking was that I should retrospectively grant myself THREE days off for Christmas rather than one (an obvious underestimation of what I would need) then repeat day 6 tomorrow and continue from there. But I'm concerned I'll fuck it all up again, and if I keep on granting myself these concessions then I know that my entire ABC plan will fall apart. So I think what may be better is to hold out until the new year, and resume day 6 on January 1st. Then again, the ABC seems entirely pointless if it has these huge gaps in the middle of it - I don't want to gain a whole heap of weight in the mean time. So... what to do? I think I will sleep on it ans see how I feel in the morning. If anybody has an thoughts, I'd happily hear them.
Much love
Pasco x
Pasco I'm so happy for you; you made it through today without purging. At least you have an armful of warm memories to hug to yourself in spite of a full belly and that's what matters.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself until 1st Jan if you want. You don't necessarily have to gain weight in the meantime. Maybe set aside an hour or two every morning to work out? Just to ensure that you burn off some of what you're going to eat later in the day. That way you can literally have your cake and eat it!
Take care! (:
christmas is a time for making exceptions! we really have to be nice to ourselves during this time because it is notoriously hard for all of us. i think it is AMAZING that you were able to make all that lovely food with your mum and eat it and be happy feeling full - i think that must be the best feeling in the world. i sincerely wish i could say the same because i am wasting all this amazing french food that i ought to just enjoy and be pleased about since it'll only be a week and a half more, but no, i am going to come away from this trip to france remembering which bathrooms i threw up in and what it tasted like coming up, not going down. so please, my darling soulmate, for the both of us, enjoy your christmas time! and if your brain is happy with your body being full and happy, then by all means, go with it. grant yourself this pardon. maybe that sanity is maintainable. maybe it's not, but at least you'll have had that little bit of it. imagine remembering food and fullness for happiness and joy and comfort and contentment. singularly amazing. you can always lose whatever weight you put on, though i don't imagine it'll be that much.
ReplyDeletewe must find happiness in the most unlikely of places sometimes. :D
xx x
Hey...I just started a blog and I would be so thrilled if you took a look at it. I love your writing. Stay strong girl <3
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it! The feeling of preparing food with someone you love, eating it together and not feel bad afterwards....perfect!
ReplyDeleteI remember this...
:-)
Maybe you could give yourself a break, have a nice time with your mother in the kitchen and start the ABC anew in the new year? It´s not such a long time, just a few days, and it could lift your spirit?
Think about it...
Take good care