The state government has started up a new mental health campaign that's "as simple as ABC: Act, belong, commit". It dawned on me that I do none of these things. As corny as it sounds, I've decided that if I'm to drag my life out of the gutter I need to make a little groundwork in all 3. I can't continue to live this nothing life. I've had a little think about what I can do to start to act.
1) Read. I don't read books anymore. They frighten me. I can't start them because I can't embark on any sort of task that I cannot complete immediately to 100% satisfaction. And somehow I feel I will miss something in a book, or it will take too long, or something, and I just can't start. I can't even pick up a vogue anymore because I feel like I will fail at reading it properly. And now I see myself as such a dolt for having such poor literary knowledge, I feel there's no point trying to catch up. So my first action is to start to read books again.
2) Learn French. I want to go to Paris, one day, to live and love and all those things that people go to Paris for. Somewhere, in the back of my mind though, I know I never will. It will never happen. It is too hard for scared, pathetic little me to possibly cope with. And one of the biggest hurdles is the language barrier. So my next action is to start learning French. Then there will be one fewer excuses.
3) Walk. I don't have to run. It doesn't have to hurt. Just fresh air and the movement of my body. I need to start to move. To shake off this dust.
Belonging and committing sound a little harder. I belong here, but nowhere else. And I don't know how to contribute to society because I'm always so skeptical of those who purport to be altruistic. This may be something I will have to continue to work on. I'm determined to try. Any thoughts?
This was a refreshing post, and those are reachable, worthy goals.
ReplyDeleteI had more to say, but my computer was - and still is - freaking out.
ReplyDeleteInsert something clever and witty here.
It's so true about the walking thing. I used to get super stressed about having to exercise and then I thought "I don;t have to sweat my ass off and be in pain to burn calories." Now I walk home from work everyday and walk to run errands andI love it. About an hour of walking everyday and then some sit ups, leg lifts and what not in the comfort of my living room! Good Luck Love!
ReplyDeletei think these are all good ideas. if you want a couple more: yoga (like walking. and you can make it as easy or hard as you want and it makes you feel so energized and alive!) or, work on skills like sewing. Also, I don't know if this will be too tempting for you but I like to bake for people, like i make cookies for my mom to take to work or a pie for my sister to take to a friends house. Just make sure what ever you bake is going out of the house to somewhere else! as an added bonus, if you are cooking a ton for others they will assume you are cooking for yourself too :]
ReplyDeleteBooks are perfect for escapism. There's a bit in Marya Hornbacker's 'Wasted' where she talks about how she used to just devour book afer book. When you get into it, you'll be hungry for literature again I'm certain.
ReplyDeleteAnd walking is incredible for the soul. It'll really make you feel better inside and out.
Having goals in general is definately gonna help you, and I'm really so pleased you've made these choices. Committing etc is always hard, but at least you recognise what you need to do and are striving to make yourself happier.
Progression will come. One thing is for certain, you do not 'belong' in 'the gutter'.
You always have my support and love
Ophelia x x x
I really like your goals. I also know how tough it is to not only come up with them, but stick to them. Remember, baby steps. Don't try to do them all at once and then get so overwhelmed that you just CAN'T do it anymore. I think if you can do one at a time and when you are seeing results, then introduce the next. It feels much better in the long run, rather than trying the mammoth task of starting them all at once, RIGHT NOW and if you fail, feel worthless! Also, if you fall down, don't feel bad, just stand up again and keep trying. Baby steps are good :o)
ReplyDeleteThose sound like good goals =)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with them and keep us updated.
they sounds like good aims, I learn french, I hope it will come in useful someday. and I need to start going on walks more aswell, I like going out, just going somewhere, like the woods.
ReplyDeleteand the reading sounds good, once youve managed to read one book, you'll want to read more, good luck with reaching your goals, x.
Number 1 and Number 3 are both things I need to adopt as well. As for Number 2, I need to *at least* see France in the near future and pick up some French so I'm not a rude American.
ReplyDeleteI missed you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.
All of your goals are great. I understand about the belonging & committing. It is a hard thing to do when all that one ever sees are vapid avaricious people. The acts of kindness, selflessness, and acceptance disappear when faced with the continual ugliness of human behavior.
ReplyDelete....hmmm....I guess this post means I am not a happy camper at the moment. All I can say is I understand where you are coming from and hope that the small good things start to become bigger and bigger in your life.
i just go back, busy catching up...
ReplyDeletei like this list. it sounds quite a lot like the promise i make to myself everyday before bed. more reading more exercise, more learning, less bingeing. book club?
i have two words for you regarding action point 2... Michel Thomas.
its a world renowned audio language learning method.
every morning i woke up and missed reading what you'd written while i was sleeping while i had my wakeup cigarette. I couldnt wait to tell you its been a full 7 days since i threw up. Every single one of those days was at least 3000 calories though, the pride will be somewhat dampened by the scale's reading tomorrow so thought i'd tell you now...! xx