Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Grossness and Sneaking Suspicions


So much food. All bad.

My immaculate fridge now bursting with chocolate.
So is my belly.

I don't even crave it, but I can't throw it away...
... because I am weak weak weak.

I'm thinking of scoffing the lot and then purging it.
Stupid I know.
I just can't have it there gradually working it's way into my intake over the next week or so and slowly but surely fucking up every single day.
I'd rather have one MASSIVE fuck up and get it over with.

But then... the suspicion is starting
Am I being paranoid?
I feel like people have mentioned the word "bulmimia" a million times around me. Jokes or comments about it. Sidelong glances. "Just don't run to the toilet to stick your finger down your throat after"...

Are they kidding?? I thought I had been discreet! Quiet! Do I smell? Did someone find my blog? Shit. Fuck.

Questions, comments about my weight. It's not like I'm ACTUALLY thin. Just not quite as fat. Please, just give me that! I don't want to be fat anymore.

aaaaaaaaaaaaarghh

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3 comments:

  1. monicaApril 13, 2009 at 8:59 PM

    i hate that feeling of paranoia... it's weird, i want people to notice, but at the same time i don't.

    thanks for your support! xxx

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  2. MeggyApril 14, 2009 at 12:19 AM

    cut back on the purging maybe, and just excersize more instead. theres nothing wrong with that! sometimes you can be more obvious than youd ever imagined..

    good luck, and if i were you..id throw as much shit away as you can!!! :)

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  3. EvaPuedeVolarApril 14, 2009 at 1:52 AM

    I think that when we have an ed or anything going on really. Any time anyone mentions it we automatically assume they're talking about us. I also think bulimia or anorexia would be on our minds a lot more, so the references will stick out to us more. I wouldn't worry too much, that might really cause suspicion.

    But cutting back on the purging is a very good suggestion! I'm a hypocrit, I know, but purging is so so bad for you. Never ever feel guilty about throwing food away. Just imagine it on your hips and stomach and let that motivate you.

    Holidays suck for us. Good luck making it through! <3 Eva

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