bleeeeargh what a day to start. unslept and disheveled and hungover and horrible. not a good state to weigh in. lots and lots and lots of water, shower, sleep a few more hours, wake up and go... i'll check in when i'm fractionally more decent

new goodies for a new year

I am a testament to our consumer culture.

"I would be happier if I were thinner"
"I would be happier if I bought more stuff"

Well I prefer to combine the two, and purchase stuff laden with the alluring promise of weight loss. And I tell you what, it certainly makes me happier! My dears, I have shopped, and if this post were audible you would hear my squeals of delight.


First on the list was a new set of bathroom scales, complete with bioelectrical impedence body composition analysis. Ooooh excitement! I also bought 2 new types of diet pills. One of them is my standard caffeine packed pep pill. The other is a hydroxycitrate tablet that claims to help with lipid metabolism, but I suspect it's bullshit. My local discount pharmacy had a half price vitamin sale so I thought I'd splash out anyway... and besides, you can't beat a good diet pill placebo effect! I bought some other fun "supernutrient" tablets and some hair/skin/nails vitamins. I even bought bio-oil to try and kill my stretch marks (again, I'm sure it's bullshit).

I'm so excited to fill my stomach with crazy supplements and measure every inch of my body fat and its location... but I'm going to hold out until I wake up on new year's day. That is my big proper super special day 1, and I'm going to start off with a bang! It will be one hell of a shock of a bang, too, because holy moly I am the size of a house. Absolutely revolting. I'm trying to stay positive though - the more I have gained the more I have to lose. And I am GOING to lose it! And I love losing weight! So hell... I'm just giving myself more of what I love!

CAN'T
WAIT
'TIL
2010

Pasco xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes, that is to be the plan...
New year, new ABC.

My pre-Christmas ABC was a trial run, and damn I did well! It is no big shock that I came unstuck over the holidays - probably the toughest challenge imaginable. But I have proven to myself I can do it and I will start it properly on January 1st.

in the mean time I am going to try and have a relatively normal and pleasant few days. I want to take care not to binge but it is neither essential that I starve. Just a little relaxation and resetting.

x

wwwwhoops!

Just to update you all, I never made it home from my parent's place and I never made it to the gym. Instead I continued to eat. Then I bought myself a glorious, gorgeous pink KitchenAid mixer and proceeded to make homemade pizza and pasta with mum. So I ate and ate some more and now I am about to go to bed stuffed. Honestly, I really haven't even contemplated throwing up. The food we made was too incredible and wholesome and amazing. I would feel terrible vomiting something created with such love and care. It was actually delightful. Mum and I poring over the bench, kneading dough and negotiating the pasta maker together. I'm bloated but for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm sort of enjoying the feeling.

So I've been thinking about how to progress from here. Initially what I was thinking was that I should retrospectively grant myself THREE days off for Christmas rather than one (an obvious underestimation of what I would need) then repeat day 6 tomorrow and continue from there. But I'm concerned I'll fuck it all up again, and if I keep on granting myself these concessions then I know that my entire ABC plan will fall apart. So I think what may be better is to hold out until the new year, and resume day 6 on January 1st. Then again, the ABC seems entirely pointless if it has these huge gaps in the middle of it - I don't want to gain a whole heap of weight in the mean time. So... what to do? I think I will sleep on it ans see how I feel in the morning. If anybody has an thoughts, I'd happily hear them.

Much love
Pasco x

Would you believe it?

I've already blown it!

I'm still at Mum and Dad's and there is just so much delicious Christmas food still lying around. The moment I got up I bee-lined for it. Despite my better intentions. I thought I'd just eat 300 calories worth and fast the rest of the day. I ate about twice that so now, if I'm to have any hope of resurrecting day 7, I have to go to the gym and burn off at least 300 more to make up for it. Shit.

Better that than giving in and admitting defeat though.

Break on Through

Christmas over
Boxing day (aka Christmas with the "other side") over

I had my freebie on Christmas day. Ate like a pig, and loved it. Managed to get away with one almighty spew in the evening and actually went to bed with a smaller than anticipated abdominal bulge.

Yesterday morning, boxing day, I ran. I ran and ran through the blistering Australian heat until my skin became cold, my limbs were tingling and my head began to space out. I didn't count my calories and I'm almost certain I went over my allowance, but I'm calling it a success because I ran so damn hard.


And now the worst of the holidays are behind me and I'm on the other side. I'm not sure if I made it to 55kg by Christmas morning and I'm going to give myself a few days for the weight to settle before I assess my progress (or lack of it). 300 calories today. Straight back in the game!

That goes for you girls as well :)
x

...and to all a good night!

I made it!
I made it I made it I made it... I made it through today!

I deviated from the plan a little. Didn't have time to go to the gym so decided to fast to make up for it. But then I managed to squeeze in a 40 minute run from my parents' house in the evening, allowing me 400 calories for dinner. I had a few prawns, then I baked Christmas cookies. Baking is my hugest challenge - I love it, but I always eat so so so much (of both the ingredients, the batter and the finished product). I managed to stick to 3 very small cookies, and overall came out exactly on par with my daily total. I'm so pleased and proud. I didn't think I could do it but I DID! 5 days, perfectly executed, no purging.

And tomorrow is CHRISTMAS! My free pass. I will try and be relatively good but if I fail it doesn't matter. It doesn't count. It is a day of fun and love and I am going to have the most fun and love I possibly can!

May you all have an absolutely magical Christmas!


Pasco x

tomorrowphobe

Another day down. A lovely day. More exercise. Eating slotted neatly and easily within my calorie allowance. Sanity, good. The realisation that I haven't thrown up for 4 days, fantastic!

One more day, then Christmas. My free pass. Free... free to eat, but hopefully also free from the horrible compulsion to binge. I hope to employ all your helpful strategies to have a lovely day without going overboard. And to get back on track for boxing day.

Christmas will be OK. Right now my largest fear is the "one more day" between now and then. Day 5. 100 calories. I will need to go to the gym and do some serious cardio to "earn" more calories, because I don't think I can stick to that amount. I'm going home to my parents' place to start setting up for Christmas. Their house is an enormous binge trigger and there will be family dinner, not to mention Christmas food aplenty. I'm feeling a little panicked about it. On the brink of giving up... I don't know if I can burn off enough! I don't know if I can control myself! I've done so well and I don't want to waste it! I wish I could just skip tomorrow, go straight to my merry little Christmas then the following days of amends-making.

I really REALLY want to stay strong and get through it. So bear with me while I ponder through a plan.


♦Wake up, open pressies with housemates (we won't see each other on Christmas day so we are having mini Christmas tomorrow)

♦Suggest we do not crack into the special chockies we bought for Christmas because it is "too early" and perhaps propose we split them and take them along to our respective Christmases to share with our loved ones

♦No breakfast, just diet pills

♦Hit the gym and try for an hour of cardio. This will be hard (felt faint at the gym today and barely made half an hour) but it is super important. If needs be, do four 15 minutes intervals with rest breaks. Aim to burn around 500 calories, allowing 600 calorie total intake

♦Come home, eat 100 calories of egg whites, take more diet pills and fill up with a buttload of metamucil and raw veggies

♦Pack handbag full of celery, carrot sticks and snow peas

♦Head for parents' place and attempt to survive the afternoon on zero-calorie vegie snacks and gum

♦Brave the family dinner, suggest something light like ham&salad, be careful to keep it under 500 calories, and "let's not have dessert because we should save room for Christmas"



Well... it SOUNDS doable...
I feel a zillion times better just having typed it out!

Would anybody be keen for a bit of a "surviving Christmas" tip share?

day 3 at peace

I slept really badly last night and have been so sleepy today. I decided to forgo the gym, which means I've only had 300 calories to play with and I have used them all up now. That's OK - it's 4pm and I think I'll have a quiet night in drinking peppermint tea before going to bed early.


The horrible mood of yesterday has lifted, and I feel hungry and tired

...but at peace

x