Time to try again.
I start a new hospital job tomorrow. One that will be hellishly busy, with horrendously long hours and a lot of inevitable pain and tears. But I will have finished shift work. I will have routine, and I'll have my hands so occupied with work that there will be little time left for them to go delving into the fridge.
The first part of the plan is to stop grocery shopping. I will not keep food in the house. I will learn to associate home with a state of emptiness. It is not the place I eat anymore. It will not trigger me and I will not be plagued by a restless desperate need to put hand to mouth.
On the way to work, I will buy my lunch for the day. A salad, a punnet of cherry tomatoes, a couple of bits of fruit perhaps. Maybe a can of tuna. Light, healthy things to sustain me through work. On the way home from work I will buy dinner. Alternatively, I will go out for dinner. A glass of wine and a beautiful meal in a restaurant. Salads, of course. Fish. Entree size, if you please. Bread basket? No thank you. But delicious, social, and most importantly, teaching me to have happy and normal associations with food.
I need to find love for food again. See it as pleasure, instead of punishment. I don't binge because I enjoy it. There is a sickness in me that wants me to hurt myself.
Well, not anymore.
Taking control back.
Pasco
xxx
Good luck babe
ReplyDeleteSounds like a solid plan. I wish you well darling!
ReplyDeletegood luck! you can do it. This sounds like a great plan.
ReplyDeleteGood for you.I'm sooo sooo soooo proud of you Pasco! <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeletexoxo - I honestly hope it works, I'd give anything to stop hating food so much
ReplyDeleteOh man, I hope it works for you! I keep nothing but a few cans of soup at home, and occasionally I'll buy some triscuits or something just to sustain me (and keep the bowel movement going... I know, tmi) but not having food in the house really helps me alot. That way if I DO have to eat something, I have to eat soup, which takes the edge off but doesn't have bazillions of calories... Good luck hunny!
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